The M.C. for the night was none other than the sassy and cannabis fueled Watermelon, a local comedienne who not only did a great job as an MC, but she also kept the crowd in spirit with her unique brand of raunchy dick jokes and a hilarious slide show. After the slide show, Vancouver's best known and most beloved eclectic eccentric Evan Symons took the stage to give us all a lesson in why too much drugs is a bad thing. Okay, I guess that's a bit harsh- I suppose I just don't get the direction that Evan has taken lately... Back in my Socratic Method days we played with him a few times and saw him at lots of shows, and vice versa, because both our bands were very "prog metal" at the time... inspired by Yes, Rush, Zappa, anything weird and complex. Evan is a guitar virtuoso, no doubt about it - I loved his Transition to a New Dream stuff, and even gave him MAJOR kudos in my review of FaceFest 1998 at The Cobalt where Socratic Method was also on the bill. Maybe he's just gone of in some strange direction that I don't get... or maybe he's just trying to piss off Bob Dog - There's a strange cosmic connection between those two, and I think Bob Dog must owe some eternal Karmic debt to Evan ever since the eighties when Bob Dog ran off with Evan's wife... but that's another long and convoluted story (that Evan felt compelled to share on stage, a couple years ago...) THIS was the Night of the Dog and the main event was drawing near. The obligatory set by Aging Youth Gang came first, (I think AYG and Bob Dog have an even more entwined past than Evan), and after a quick stage strike - which I guess is pretty easy when half the audience and band members are riggers at GM Place - Dogma hit the stage with a surprise announcement that tonight there would be a video shoot.

No expense was spared to make this show both an auditory and visual spectacle that none of us are soon to forget. The curtain dropped to reveal a swanky new backdrop, and that the band has grown by a couple of members - both guitarists. Bob Dog appeared on stage sporting a brand new yellow Mohawk and a grease paint bandit mask, a la Alice Cooper. From the first chord to the last droning note, the energy didn't subside for a nanosecond, and Bob's flare for theatrics and spectacle meant that every song would treat us to another dramatic surprise.

Dogma's Spanish pseudo-ballad-parody "La Cucaracha" opened with Bob serenading a sexy Latina flamenco dancer (la Gata), who continued to manage very impressive steps even as the song turned hardcore punk. For "SuperTelevangelistic" we were treated to the southern baptist styling of The Reverend Chris Houston (Producer of New Leash on Life, and formerly of The Forgotten Rebels and Evil Twang) who fails to faith heal a "real live cripple" but still manages to abscond with the big bag of 'doggie dollars' that the poor wretch had provided, hoping for a cure. By the end of the song, the reverend's prudish organist has been "converted by the truth" (by merely letting her hair down and revealing a sexy gyrating stage dance) and the big bag 'o' doggie dollars has been heroically recovered by Bob, and is redistributed to the people. The announcement at the song's conclusion that each doggie dollar is worth one real dollar off at the merchandise booth sent scads of fans in that direction. Hell I confess, my wife and I each came home with a D.E.D. T-shirt...

A special guest appearance on a single song by Gerod Staaf, who may very well be the fastest shreddin'est guitarist on the face of the planet, definitely left the crowd wanting more, but the slow approach of the dark Nostradamus garbed stranger who had lurking in the corner all night, quickly drew out attention that way. He mounted the stage, threw off his cape and began twirling flaming batons with blinding speed an precision, only putting them down to perform the same routine with huge scimitars. All the while, the band is blasting away behind him, a psychotic evil clown is fashioning grotesque and contorted balloon animals and tossing them on stage, and the busboy, dressed in drag, is being chased all around the bar by some absolutely frikken blitzed chick who is hell bent on ripping off his fishnet stockings and pulling down his miniskirt. When she finally manages to tackle him on to the front of the stage and tugs at the skirt, the entire crowd is privy to WAY to much of the busboy, just as the person running the light show picks a really inopportune time to put a bright spotlight center stage.

I don't know if it was part of the show or for real, but new guitarist Willy B. Sober's constant begging for more beer between each and every song, and Bob's apparent frustration that beer is all the guy ever thinks about, was absolutely hilarious. Probably the only thing funnier was when Bob asked for someone from the crowd who could scream through the entire intro of POLITICAL PRISONER - an extremely eager kid jumped up and was handed a mike. "There's only one catch buddy, you gotta scream for the whole fucking intro or I'm gonna kick you in the fucking head. You think you can manage that?" taunted Bob, his bandit mask smeared all over his face by this time. "Yeah, yeah!" assured the now not-so-confident kid.... "Good, then get on your knees and bend your head over here where I can reach it if you stop... okay, now scream motherfucker scream!" demands Bob as he assumes the curb-stomp position over the poor kid's head. It worked though, he screamed for dear life as the band started the song. It was all in jest, and Bob thanked the guy profusely after the song, but even now, thinking of the look on that poor guy's face, I'm still pissing myself laughing.

If there's anything Bob's a master at, (well, besides making music, I mean) it's engaging the crowd. He's got an awesome and menacing stage persona, but he's always sure to make the crowd feel like THEY are the reason he's there. From the subtle eye contact, or pointing or smiling at the audience as he's singing, to the blatant "you guys are the reason I exist - without you I would die!" exclamation, Dogma doesn't let up until everyone in the room is satisfied. And you know what else? It's just damned good musick too. The lyrics are smart and socially conscious, and well written, but they also see the humourous side things too. Bob's a master at developing powerful plays on words - and if titles like Supertelevangelistic, Feed the People (to the People), Evilution, Art of the State, and Transcendental Medication aren't intriguing enough, you should really check out the lyric sheets.

Do yourself a favour - go to www.visionaryrecords.com and order a copy of New Leash On Life, or I'm sure you can pick up a copy directly at select Vancouver area records stores. If being recorded at Greenhouse Studios, produced by Chris Houston and engineered by The Great Gordini isn't enough name-dropping to convince you that this is a high quality CD with some seriously excellent songs, then you'll just have to take My word for it.

Posted by Calvin

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Thank you for your comments regarding my set at the Dog Eat Dogma show.

Just to clear up some stuff, Bob Dog and I met in Williams Lake in 1981 at the BC Rail yard office. While Bob left BC Rail in 1989, I'm actually still employed there. The comment about Bob and my wife was made up on the spot prior to playing the song Conductor's Wife which was actually inspired by a conversation I'd had with another BC Rail employee. I guess someone had had an affair with a "Conductor's Wife" and used to call the dispatch office to find out when the "Conductor" would be on the road so he knew it was safe to go mess around with said "Conductor's Wife". I tried to write the song from the point of view of a cheater who wishes he could stop. Bob has never slept with my wife. I'm actually not even married.

I've only done acid about ten times and the last time was over ten years ago. I've never really done any hard drugs and had to quit pot because even it's too hard on me. These days I have the odd beer and coffee, and have spent plenty of time totally "straight edge" over the years. I find that I'm normally more receptive to all styles of music the less I do any form of drug as I'm generally happier during those periods. I'm not sure I've ever been in a prog-metal band, but I was in Space Junk which was a prog/art/jazz/metal/punk/folk/country band. Uneven Steps was an art/folk band that had one metal song. When I played Socratic Method, I wasn't actually in a band, but played solo with backing tracks. I normally only see metal or punk shows when I'm either playing, supporting friends, or they are on my radio show. I do love the Cobalt and Dog Eat Dogma though, and I particularly loved Socratic Method when you did dual harmonized leads like Wishbone Ash.

Thanks for your comments about Transition to a New Dream. I actually played Brain Interface at the Cobalt which is from that album.

I have a five year old friend who hasn't started kindergarten yet but already knows how to read, add and subtract. She feels that Dance With The Geeks is my best song. I played this tune at the Cobalt. It has three time signature changes (like anyone cares) and is kind of a joke dance song. You can also read about an all ages show of mine where I played all of the songs that I did at the Cobalt: Given the interest of people under 20, while it may seem implausible, at 40 years old, I might in fact be the future. (Beware the Future...)

Posted by Evan Symons

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